Give them the chance to struggle

When our son couldn’t raise his head at three months old, his pediatrician told my wife and me about an 18-month-old baby who couldn’t roll herself over.

Her pediatrician couldn’t find any physical issues with the baby that might have prevented her from learning to roll over. Her parents were worried and even brought her to a neurologist. But the baby had no neurological issues either. The pediatrician and neurologist were stuck. So they asked her parents about their daily lives and what they did with her at home. Finally, they discovered the cause.

Apparently, whenever she made a sound, her parents would bring something to her. Toys, milk bottles, biscuits. She never got the chance to reach for things, which delayed her physical development. In trying to make life easy for her, they unintentionally stalled her growth.

Our pediatrician’s point to us was: “You have to let him struggle a little.” We couldn’t bear to let our son cry, so we didn’t make him do much tummy time. But we were actually holding him back, not helping him.

Having learned from our son’s experience, we let our daughter wrestle with her own movements more. She developed faster physically and could sit and crawl much earlier than her brother. Once, I saw her struggling to sit up. I instinctively wanted to help her, but I paused and didn’t intervene. When she finally managed to push herself up, I cheered for her. She was so happy!

As parents, we often want to make life easier for our children. But when we help too much, we take away their chance to learn—even when they are babies. Facing challenges, learning to figure things out, and then growing from the experiences are invaluable parts of life, which will always have its ups and downs.

And we will not always be by their side. Having never left Asia before, I chose to study in the UK for three years. With my parents thousands of miles away, I had to learn to depend on myself or lean on my friends. Those were essential adulting years for me. Even though I was there for a degree, I learned more practical wisdom than academic knowledge.

We want to support and encourage our children. But we should never rob them of the opportunity to struggle, try, and grow. When the parents of the 18-month-old baby stopped fetching her things, she quickly learned to roll, crawl, and walk.