Stories and skeptics

I'm currently reading How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen. The authors use two writing techniques that make me trust the book more.

Actual stories from other parents. I find it hard to relate to parenting experts because I'm not one. I'm just an ordinary parent with limited patience and human-like needs, like getting some me time. If I read scientific facts and numbers about parenting from an expert, nothing gets in. I relate better to actual stories from other parents, such as this one:

Anyway, they're usually very resistant to bath time because they know it's the first step to the end of all fun. And I get very cranky because I know it's only the first step, and I have such a long road ahead before I can rest.

I immediately texted my wife, "this is us!"

Also, it turns out the authors, while being parent educators, are humans like me. One of the authors, Joanna Faber, is even the daughter of Adele Faber, an author of best-selling parenting books. But she openly admitted that she also faced challenges like ours. She's one of us!

But still, sometimes I wasn't entirely convinced by the ideas in the book. The authors likely predicted pushback from readers and introduced...

The skeptic. Instead of ignoring potential objections, the authors tackle them head-on. They bring in a parent who regularly voices objections, and then they counter those objections. Here's an example where they suggest acknowledging children's feelings with writing (and my thoughts at those points in parentheses):

[The author suggests, instead of explaining to a kid that she just bought a new toy and shouldn't be a spoilt brat, writing down everything she wants on a wish list.]

"But won't that contribute to their feeling that every desire must be gratified?" asks Toni, the straight-shooter in my group. (Alfred: Exactly! I definitely don't want my children to think that way.)

"On the contrary," I countered. "How many times have we given in and just bought some stupid thing we don't need to avoid a public tantrum? (Alfred: Well, I've done that many times.) Writing down wishes is a different way to avoid a tantrum, without spoiling your child. Think of it as an opportunity to accept feelings while limiting actions."

Having their feelings acknowledged actually helps children accept that they can't always get what they want. In the toy store you can say, "Oh boy, that is a really cool unicorn! You like the sparkles on his mane... and the pink and orange stars on his rump. Let's write it down on your wish list." Who knows, maybe she'll save her allowance, or request it from Aunt Bertha on her birthday, or perhaps in a few weeks or months her tastes will change and it will drop off the list. (Alfred: Oh yeah, my son's wants change so quickly.) The important thing is that she has a parent who listens to how she feels when she yearns for something, and that helps her develop the important life skill of deferred gratification. (Alfred: Oh right, I have been wanting to teach my son deferred gratification. This might do the trick.)

I suspect Toni isn't actually a single person but a combination of all the skeptics in the authors' parenting workshops. But the technique still works. She often raises objections I'm thinking about, and the authors counter with a persuasive rebuttal (or you could say they acknowledge my feelings in writing!) This made me trust the authors more because, one, they answered my objections, and two, they have enough experience to know what the common objections are.

If you want to make your writing more persuasive, consider adding stories and skeptics.