It's only a moment

I was awake almost all night because my daughter was sick and couldn’t sleep well. Then, in the morning, my son woke up grumpy and decided I was his enemy. “I don’t like papa! I don’t want to brush teeth! I don’t want to change!” I was triggered immediately; my heart rate spiked. I was fuming in my mind, “I already had such a terrible night. Can’t you just cooperate a little?”

But before those words escaped my mouth, I took a deep breath and tried my best to let go of my anger. It wasn’t as if I was at peace right away. I was still wearing my displeasure on my face. I’m no saint. But I paused and moved on to the next moment.

In Roger Federer’s 2024 Dartmouth commencement address, he said, “When you’re playing a point, it is the most important thing in the world. But when it’s behind you, it’s behind you.” His advice: “It’s only a point.” But we keep replaying the lost point. We blame ourselves. We get frustrated. We become upset. Then we lose the next point, too.

Moments in our lives are just like points in a tennis match. We lose our cool and lose that moment. Then we keep being angry. But when it’s behind us, it’s behind us. Don’t lose the next moment, too.

Children are much better at this than adults. Despite being older, we tend to hold onto our anger. We convince ourselves that we need to be angry for a certain duration because that is what being angry is about. We can even hold grudges for years! But children move on very quickly. One moment they are angry, the next happy.

My son did eventually let my wife brush his teeth and get him dressed for school. Then he happily chatted with me about his breakfast. It was as though he had forgotten about being angry at me.

It’s only a point. It’s only a moment.